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Who I am...

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I am a Thirty-Something year old mother of two lil boys who are are entertaining and energetic as they can be. I have to admit I live a fairly charmed life; and really have nothing that I should complain about. You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

Monday, December 26

So this is Christmas???

Christmas has came and went. My house is in complete disarray, the boys room looks like a small toy store and I am so ready for this year to finally be over !
 
We spent Christmas eve as we always do with family, eating, opening gifts, baking cookies and getting ready for the arrival of the man in red. Jackson was especially excited and I was starting to think that he may not go to sleep... EVER! 
Isaac has been sick this past week, and so he was only partially enthused about the happenings around our home that evening.
But finally the cookies were made, the boys were in their Christmas PJ's, and sleeping soundly in their bed.
Which of course is when my night really kicked into hyper gear.....
I think I got to sleep sometime on Christmas morning.....
Christmas Morning....
 
Of course the boys were ready to go as soon as they managed to crawl out of their half asleep half awake state. Our traditional Christmas morning breakfast was made and the madness began....
Long story short my boys are beyond spoiled....
Jackson is now the proud owner his first Deere... 2 speed with reverse....
and
Isaac is officially ready to kill his first deer with his new bow and hunting gear.
 Of course many other odd and end items were also included but I am not going to torture you with a list.
So the morning progressed as planned.... 
minus the phone calls from my ex mother in law

Now I will never for the life of me understand this woman....
I also will never understand how people can look at her and see a good christian woman....
Are they blind?
I will go ahead and fend off any jabs at my religious standing by saying I do not pretend to be anything I am not.... Do I believe in god? Yes. Do I pretend to live a perfect life? No
So on with my ranting...
To fully understand my dislike for this woman you first need to grasp my hatred for her son...
The son whose actions she validates....
Isaac's biological donor aka father has not seen nor spoken to him in almost a year... let it be said that this is by his own doing. And lets remember that this is a child born of a marriage, a child that was wanted or so I thought.
There has been NO attempt by any of his family to see Isaac is the past year until the holidays.
I am sorry but a family is a family all year, not just on the holidays.
I understand that they had a terrible loss this past year, with the death of my ex father in law. But last time I checked life is for the living, not for purely mourning the dead. 
So of course, Isaac and I had already talked about how this would probably happen and had decided a plan of action....
He would spend Christmas with his family at his own home. 
Of course my ex mother in law was not happy with this decision, but I am at the point that I really do not care.
She has not a mothering or grand-mothering bone in her body. 
She has raised three of the most unable adults especially in the realm of parenting.
How many people can say that none of their children are raising their own kids?
Parenting skills at their best!
What type of " father" or "grandmother" goes a year with out seeing their son/grandson?
What type of "Father" gets remarried and has his new wives children in his wedding, but doesn't even invite his own son? That's right he wasn't invited...so for all of those people that have heard I refused to let him go... it is kind of hard to refuse to let someone go somewhere they weren't invited to be.
The list of things could go on and on and yet this woman, this so called mother and grand mother would find a way to validate her son's actions.
He lost his job.... so he has a new one...
His wife left him... so he has a new one....
He is struggling with his fathers death..... his son is still alive
He is back in church and is a godly man..... By whose standards? Surely not gods... not any god that I would serve.
Now I am sure that some will read this and think .... Erin that is your son's family.... again by whose standards?
So Isaac stopped by his so called grandmothers house this evening to pick up the gifts that she had for him... Now this will be the first time in his ten years of life that he left her home with a gift at Christmas, as he was always required to leave them there....
Of course as I suspected in her typical fashion she asks him " tell me truthfully, did you want to come yesterday? because if you felt that this is where you needed to be, then you should have been?" 
Who puts their ten year old grandson on the spot like that? 
What type of woman who lives her life as if this boy doesn't exist would expect him to greet them with open arms?

I try to look at it from a calm perspective.... 
But it is hard....
Isaac is my son....
They have no influence on him from day to day....
and yet I always end up being the bad guy...which is something that I am growing very tired of.
So after ten years of biting my tongue around Isaac, and ten years of hoping that his father would snap outta whatever alternate reality he was living in... I have made a command decision....
These people are nothing to my son. 
My son is better off with out people like these in his life.
and there is a special place in hell for people like this.

Harsh... maybe.... but maybe not.
I have and will make mistakes, but the on mistake I will never make is that of not being there for my son's.
They will have good memories of me.... 

I am pretty sure that there isn't a member of this family... so called father or grandmother that can say that where Isaac is concerned.

So now I am sitting, thinking,my eyes burning from having cried so much this evening. Not only because my son still has that it is my moms fault attitude, but because I know that he is hurting and that his so called father could care less.

Wednesday, December 21

Recap......

I have been beyond busy and have really not been very good at keeping up with my post! 
So what has been going on to keep me so distracted??
Thanksgiving
Finals
Christmas prep
Heart Cath
Life.....
 
Thanksgiving came and past with out any major disasters. In fact my cousin and I had a really good time waiting for the turkey to cook and managed to polish off a bottle of wine!
It is always nice having family around, that is one thing that I want for my boys: to grow up with and around their family. 
 
I did brave the crazy Day after Thanksgiving sales.... Broke a nail.. but got what I went for... so complete success!
I had perhaps the worst experience thus far in my classes at EIU this semester. The dreaded group work... Now I can say with all honesty that there is not a single one of these girls that is a bad person, in fact I like them all, but as a collective whole... OMG!  Lord help them! 
 At times I had to remind myself that to them this is life or death.... they don't look at it as just another thing that will too pass....
I hope the experience taught them that their success in life does not hinge on one project their senior year of college.
 
Heart cath...
So far.. so good....
We are keeping our fingers crossed that it worked this time.... 
I can say this time it was much more enjoyable....
as enjoyable as having something shoved up your leg can be :)
 
Christmas Prep
The boys are both ready for Christmas ... of course!
I am as ready as I am going to get at this point. 
This year has just really been an off year for me.... 
I am not sure if it was everything else I had going on, or the fact that it has been sixty degrees outside for the past few weeks off and on, but for whatever reason I have just had a very hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year.
This is SO not like me! But I have managed to get it together for the most part.

So now I think I am caught up....